A few weeks ago I was at my desk working on developing content for the SEO Networker program we launched in early Dec, when I suddenly received an instant message via Google talk from my friend Liz.

Her message said, “I want in on that relationship stuff you were learning about.”
(She was referring to Eben Pagan’s Deep Inner Game audios I had played for her.)

I asked her why she wanted them and she told me that she had not been coping well with a recent break up. It was a relationship she had hoped would turn out to be “the one”, despite many previous break ups and troubles.

She told me that she had been crying all day and couldn’t stop. She had work to do, but not being able to control her emotions was keeping her from doing it. She didn’t know how she was going to face people at work, with this uncontrollable stream of tears flowing down her face.

I’ll admit that at the beginning of the conversation, I didn’t have the faintest idea how I was going to help her stop crying, so both she and I could get back to work.

She told me a little more about what had happened. Her greatest frustration was “trying to make sense of it all”.

I told her “there was nothing to make sense of. It was a relationship between two people that weren’t meant for each other. You accept it as a learning experience and you try to move on”. (This was my weak and cold attempt at making her feel better.)

But she needed to understand why things worked out the way they did?

Why did he finally decide to break up with her, especially given that the previous two times she was the one who had broken it off?

Each time she called it off, he came crawling back and saying anything to have her take him back.

She could not understand why he would break it off, after practically begging her to take him back and telling her things only someone who truly loved her would say.

When she told me that, something very powerful entered my mind…
Your Greatest Fear Uncovered

Something I had learned a few years before from my personal experience was that fear of rejection is one of the most powerful things we can experience. In a relationship, the thing you fear more than losing someone you love, is being rejected by someone you love.

Fear of rejection is something that is hardwired into our DNA, having evolved from primitive beings who depended on the acceptance of a tribe (or group) for survival. A human-being who is alone, was as good as dead.

Fear of rejection from the opposite sex would prohibit us from procreating and having a family to ensure the survival of your bloodline.

And even after rejection occurs, our instincts are to rectify the situation and regain acceptance. We scramble, plot and will do almost anything to rejoin the group or partner who has rejected us. If we can’t regain this acceptance, it becomes a long hard road to recovery…

All of a sudden, the actions of Liz’s ex made sense… he may not have understood them himself, but it explained his seemingly illogical behavior in begging to be taken back, only to break off the relationship a short time later.

I shared this insight with her and told her that a big part of what she is feeling now is the pain from having been rejected, and not necessarily the break up. It’s a powerful blow to the ego as well.

That is why the pain she felt on this night was greater than the pain she felt the previous two times she had called it off with him.

It was this same pain and fear of rejection, which forced him to ask Liz to take him back – twice!

As a result, anything he told Liz to convince her to take him back could not be trusted. He was in survival mode – channeling his primal instincts to regain the acceptance and saying just about anything. Then a few months later, he is the one breaking up with Liz and is somehow at peace with himself…

The act of breaking up with someone or rejecting someone is an ‘alpha’ move. Primaly, it was the alpha of the group who had the power to reject or expel someone.

Upon sharing my point of view, Liz had stopped crying. She had received what she was searching for. She suddenly became aware of why she felt the pain she did and why her ex had done the things he did.
The Red Pill

Gaining understanding of oneself and of what it is to be human was a powerful moment for her and freed her mind from the confusion of “trying to make sense of it all”. That should be the goal of any personal development program.

In network marketing, we also experience this uncontrollable fear of rejection. And when we are rejected or turned down by someone, our initial instinct is to scramble and try to salvage the situation. When we can’t salvage it, we are consumed by the thoughts of mourning for our loss — “What could I have done differently? What can I do to get him to understand?” And so on…

Eventually this perpetual experience of fear, rejection and mourning becomes too much and we quit.

It happens in all facets of our lives – we give up on our dreams, we give up on relationships, we give up on life and settle…

You settle for a job, you settle for someone you don’t love, you settle for mediocrity, because you are paralyzed by this invisible fear of rejection. And your fear of failure comes from others knowing you have failed, thus invoking a fear of rejection/ridicule from others.

For some people being aware of this human trait can be a curse, because now that you know that this fear has no real connection to your survival as a person, it becomes difficult to find an excuse for not taking action – whether it’s growing a business or going out on another date.

The blessing of knowing this is now you know that in your business, you must be the one qualifying, accepting and rejecting prospects. When you are in this ‘alpha’ position, fear of rejection is a non-issue.

I’m glad to report that Liz did indeed move on in her life in a powerful way – moving forward with her career, dating and being the sassy friend who enjoys busting my chops every chance she gets.

If you are failing in your business or other aspect of your life, it is time for you to become aware of your humanity and rise above your genetic design, to reach a higher level of consciousness (i.e. the Red Pill).